Three, two, one – Smile! September 24, 2012

Dear Maddie and Jackson,

Your childhood memories line the walls of our home to the point where your grandmothers laugh at me. And I could easily be accused of an obsession with digital picture frames.

Maddie shares my obsession with the digital frames, watching the pictures scroll by for several minutes at a time. While

First day of school.

the photos don’t stand a chance against SpongeBob, she is so happy reliving past vacations, holidays and everyday photos we snapped around the house. “That’s me!” “Oh look, it’s Daddy!” As if she hasn’t seen them a thousand times before. Or that I would display photos of random strangers.

Easter Sunday

I have a deep appreciation for the value of photos. While that sounds crazy, they enable us to relive our fondest memories – our first family vacation with the hot tub so cool you were allowed to swim in it, Christmas mornings with your deepest wish fulfilled, birthday parties with a fire truck in our driveway or a magician in the living room, pumpkin carvings and lazy days at the beach. They remind me of the sweet smell of you as babies, your past obsessions with BeyBlades or the super, super green socks.

As someone who can too easily remember the negative in great detail but must work at remembering the positive moments, photos jog my memory. Photos help me mentally put the bumps in the road in their proper place. Help me dwell on the best of times in our family’s journey. Because there is nothing gained by reliving the negative. By reliving the highs, I get to enjoy the sweetness, the silliness and love again and again. And who wouldn’t want to do that endlessly?

Photos helped me survive during the darkest times of our journey. We still took lots of photos even in the chaos. And no matter what else had happened that day, when the camera came out everyone did the same thing, every time – we smiled. We looked happy.

Those were the days when you still took pictures on film and had them developed. So at some point in the future, I would

South Carolina Baseball Alumni Game

pick up a stack of photos. And there we were – smiling. Everyone looked so happy. And I would wonder why I was worried that you felt the stress and exhaustion your dad and I were. Wonder why I was worried you were having a terrible childhood. Just look at all the pictures of  you smiling! As ridiculous as it sounds, photos kept me going.

Today, the photos serve a far less desperate but richer purpose. They let me be relive the best parts of our family’s journey. I am so grateful for the blessings in our lives. For the memories we create. For the privilege of being your mom. Photos let me remember the depth of our family’s love. The strength of the bonds between us. And the beautiful life we are creating together.

Keep smiling and I’ll keep snapping photos that someday you can show to your kids.

Love,
Mom

Lessons Yet To Be Learned — aka Epic Fail August 26, 2012

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Philippians 4:8

Dear Maddie and Jackson,

The past few weeks have been filled with the opportunity to re-learn an important lesson. I say re-learn because as Jackson lovingly noted at breakfast, I haven’t done a very good job of demonstrating skills that should have been mastered by now.

We can’t always control the world around us and our circumstances. But we can control our attitude and response. Grandpa often says that you can’t stop the birds from flying over your head but you can stop them from making a nest in your hair.

We can choose to focus on the positive, handling all situations with grace. We can choose to trust that God is still in control and loves us deeply enough to only allow what is ultimately best for us, regardless of what is happening in the moment.

Or we can stew, pout and generally give in to hysterics. And as much as I talk about choosing your attitude, as you’ve already observed, I’ve done a really lousy job of choosing well the past couple of weeks.

The gratefulness charts we have hung in our hallway are an important first step. Ann Voskamp notes in her book “One Thousand Gifts”, you cannot truly be thankful for something you have not named. So as a family we name the gifts from God’s hand.

But that is not enough. We need to focus, ruminate and dwell on the depth of God’s love and the goodness of His intentions for us. Even when life is difficult or frustrating in the moment. Focusing on what is noble and lovely won’t erase the pain in our lives but it will make it far more bearable. Dwelling on the negative does nothing but send us further into the pit.

Why on earth any of us would choose to be angry and vengeful when God has given us the ability to choose to be loving and patient? But we do. I do. In the heat of the moment, the path of least resistance is anger, frustration and cynicism.

But God hasn’t called us to the path of least resistance. He has asked us to join him on a more narrow path — one with far more benefits. He has called us to dwell on the pure and the admirable.

That doesn’t require us to ignore difficult circumstances or pretend pain doesn’t exist. But it does require us to control and direct our thoughts. The thoughts that are running through our head as we drift off to sleep. The thoughts that are running through our head while we shower, make dinner, whatever. Are we rehearsing why exactly we are angry, sad or frustrated — reliving the exact moment of hurt over and over again? Or are we dwelling on the gifts of that day or even of practical ways to solve a problem? In my experience stewing over a situation and truly solving the problem generally have very little in common.

I’m still learning this lesson. Even in this moment. Choosing your attitude and response isn’t easy. But it is critical in shaping what is yet to come. Proverbs 23:7 says “As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.” What we dwell on today is who we become tomorrow. And frankly, I don’t want to become the person dwelling inside my head the past few weeks.

My prayer is that you will learn this lesson much earlier in life than your mama.

Love,
Mom